Comments on: Online dating messages that missed the mark… by less

By: cath

cath — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 10:19:51 +0000

i have avoided online dating like the plague – everyone can be whom they want online and most people are less than truthfull. The internet is a good thing and its certainly a paradise for sex freaks who are on the prowl. oh well some of the pick up lines are funny!!

By: ShawntheSavage

ShawntheSavage — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 15:24:51 +0000

LOL @ “does this smell like chloroform to you?” Now that’s TOO FUNNY! I do have to say, when I tried online dating I was only successful 1 out of every 15 or 16 ladies I met. Thinking back on it now, I do feel I could of been a bit “flippant” in my “directness” on how I wrote to these women!

In my time, I found pick up lines to not work! What works for me is being observant & attentive; which IS harder to do in online dating! At times, I find myself a “bit” different then the average guy because what turns me on is a woman’s personality! I do enjoy physical beauty, don’t get me wrong, but when the woman has physical beauty & no inner beauty whatsoever, I feel it’s time to move on to the next one! ;-P

By: Kim Watson

Kim Watson — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 23:19:02 +0000

You’ve made a lot of sense with the ideas you’ve shared. Definitely on target for what my friends and I need to know. We’re making lots of mistakes trying to play at getting it right. We should probably take things more seriously.

By: Bonnie Ruberg

Bonnie Ruberg — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 22:26:47 +0000

I personally prefer “Does this smell like chloroform to you?”, but I’m not sure how flippant that would be :).

By: Chiaki

Chiaki — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 08:36:33 +0000

Well, “flippant” how it was described to me were short and often sexual in nature. The “too much alike to ever actually get along.” doesn’t make it innocuous, but perhaps there’s a whole new level of it in it being OKC.

Flippant comments from my understandings are pick ups like “I need a map because I’m lost in your eyes.” or “Do you like fruits? Because I have a banana.” I always thought they were just horrible jokes, but I guess guys really do use them. I did hear “I’d like to get behind you.” from a bar patron while waiting, so I guess it’s more likely than I think…

By: Bonnie Ruberg

Bonnie Ruberg — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 19:20:27 +0000

I agree with you in a larger sense, that no OKC message can be totally innocuous (though I currently have a clause up in my profile that I’m not looking for new partners at the moment, so I get a lot of “This isn’t hitting on you because you’re not looking for dates right now” messages, a few of which have indeed turned into dates, leading me to believe that the seemingly innocuous really does work on me :), but I definitely still prefer the ones that at least appear that way.

I also wonder about flippant messages. Is that somehow related to the “neg” technique of picking up people? I, for example, dated a boy for a few months whose initial message said, “We’re obviously too much alike to ever actually get along, but I just wanted to tell you how much more I rock at Guitar Hero than you.” That’s probably more cocky than flippant but still, ended up working like gangbusters.

By: Chiaki

Chiaki — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 04:43:34 +0000

You know, I study communications for my undergrad, and it’s basically one giant marriage counseling course. Point of the matter, I just got back from a topical class, it was that there are essentially three types of initial communications to potential mates.

1. Flippant 2. Direct 3. Innocuous

and people who essentially use 1 are… the bulk of people who don’t understand what they’re doing. Guys apparently think it’s them being witty or something.

People using 2 sometimes succeed, but they don’t with you, I guess. These are comments that get to the point. “Hi, you seem pretty nice, I like you. Come hang out with me.” Blah blah blah.

3. comments are devoid of smelling like someone is hitting on you. Like “Do you know if I just missed the bus?” to start a conversation.

Studies show that innocuous comments are the most likely to succeed. And from what I think is going on with OkCupid, is that it’s almost impossible to have an innocuous comment. The site, for the most part, is a dating site. So people that message you fall into category 2, even if the message in another circumstance, may seem innocuous.

At least that’s what I can observe from your post.