February 2nd, 2009

Those who know me — and/or subscribe to my Twitter (@MyOwnVelouria) — know I’ve been stressing for the last six months over applying to graduate school. Not content to hang out in the real world and end up with a normal human job, my goal has long been to keep my life as a writer and dedicated overanalyzer by becoming a college professor. That explains why I’ve been throwing myself at the feet of comparative literature and interdisciplinary PhD programs across the country.

“Dear University, I write about sex and video games for a living. Yes, Google me and you’ll find my cybersex transcripts. Yes, read closely enough and you’ll know exactly what I’m like in bed. But I’m not embarrassed. No, in fact, I’m proud! And how many applicants can say that about their internet exploits?”

Well, apparently the fingers-crossed-they-buy-it routine worked (don’t get me wrong, I buy it. I buy it with all my pervy heart. Talks with PhD students have just worried me that my gender and sexuality bent would get me banned from academia) because yesterday I was accepted into Berkeley’s comp lit program, one of the top in the country. They only take a handful of students each year, so I really am honored. Plus Scott and I are anxious to stay in the Bay Area, which makes it a great fit. I won’t hear back from the remaining eleven schools until the end of this month, but for now I’m allow myself a brief window of happiness. In a mere eight years (that’s nothing, right?) you’ll be talking to Dr. Bonnie.

I plan to keep to keep writing while I study. And though I love the warm nest of a college campus, I also plan not to turn out all wrinkly and funny-talking from not seeing the light of day. All of which is to say, I don’t plan to disappear. I plan to grow stronger, faster, dorkier. Besides, Dr. Bonnie sounds like some sort of girlie evil super villain, doesn’t it? Fighting sexual ethics with a wave of her textbook. A girl can dream…

P.S. I do find it funny that one of the professors I’ve been sucking up to for a spot in a tech-oriented program appeared today participating in a Terra Nova email thread. “Hey,” thought the cocky sector of my brain, “why spend a decade getting a degree when I’m already somewhat on par with these people?” Then I kicked myself in my twenty-three-year-old ass and remembered that internet cred doesn’t land tenure positions.

Tags: academia, Bonnie life

10 Responses to “I’m going to be Dr. Bonnie”

  1. Malky Says:

    Well, it’s official. You are now are on the road to having the coolest career of anyone, ever.

  2. cgrant Says:


    remember, the inverse also holds true: tenured positions don’t net you internet cred. :-D

  3. Bob Says:

    congrats, in 8 years you can have people call you ‘the doctor’, now all you need is someone with a masters to be your nemisisisisisis (i know how to start spelling that word but not how to stop)

  4. That Fuzzy Bastard Says:

    Now, by “fighting sexual ethics” you don’t actually mean, like, opposition to, right? This is like “March For Breast Cancer”, where we understand that the marchers aren’t actually in favor of breast cancer…

  5. Jinny Says:

    YAY! Congrats Bonnie! :D

  6. Cybersexy Says:

    Way to go Bonnie! *thumbs up*

  7. soulofaqua Says:

    congratulations and celebrations!

    So now you’re going to be a doctor, I have this itch on my bum.

  8. Cyrus Farivar Says:

    Holy shit! Congrats! Are you going to be moving to the East Bay? :-)

  9. Woodstock Says:

    Congrats, Bonnie! No wonder you were doing so much “research” on professors…

  10. Bonnie Ruberg Says:

    Thanks guys!

    Cyrus, I think Scott and I are hoping to stay here in San Fran, since he works down in Potrero Hill, and I heart Victorian architecture (seriously, it makes me smile every time I walk through our neighborhood). If I do end up at Berkeley, I’ll certainly be out in your neck of the woods a lot more often though :).

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