December 4th, 2008

The following is a list I originally wrote for Heartless Doll’s sister site Topless Robot, but which got sent back to me later down the line for being too sexual. Heck, that’s just how we like it here at Heroine Sheik!

Anyone who’s roamed the internet long enough — I for one only see daylight when it gets reflected off on my laptop monitor — knows rule #34: if you can think of it, somebody on that series of tubes we know as the World Wide Web has turned it into porn. Rule #34 especially holds true for anything adorable, inappropriate, and above all nerdly. Pretty much every institution loved by fanboys and girls gets turned into erotic fan art eventually. That means someone somewhere has sat down with loving care and rendered your favorite video game or television characters with giant, highly-veined penises. Then they uploaded it so that it could get burnt into your retinas and haunt your brain.

Here then are some of the most disturbing favorites that have gotten the rule #34 treatment. Really though, the list is endless:

10. Pokémon
The pokémon world has always been a G-rated one. Everyone who’s anyone is under the age of 18, and despite the constant fighting between trained pseudo-animals, no one ever actually dies. That’s why it makes sense – as in, it makes absolutely no sense – that rendering pokémon with detailed genitalia is one of the most popular pastimes over at the Rule #34 website, which catalogues such creative masterpieces as Misty giving oral pleasure to a Charmander and Mews mating. No, not even Pikachu gets away unscathed.

9. Neon Genesis Evangelion
Less wholesome than Pokémon, Evangelion may have brought erotic fan art upon itself by teasing us with perky teen bodies in skin-tight suits. But that doesn’t explain Asuka literally showering in cum (doesn’t that sound counterproductive?) or Rei begging you, the viewer, to make her ejaculate semen from both her erect penises. Where did those come from?

8. Nintendo
Ah, the childhood institution that has stayed true through our adulthood, bringing us such beloved classics as… Oh my God, what is Pacman doing to Yoshi and why does he look like he’s enjoying it?! In addition to Pacman-on-Yoshi action, also popular are revealing drawings of the virginal Princess Peach looking not-so-virginal. At least, we assume she’s still a virgin, given how much of a cock tease she’s always been to Mario. More baffling are pieces like this one, which shows Donkey Kong turned female grinning and covering her primate crotch. Ah, my Nintendo-loving eyes!

7. Star Wars
Who hasn’t passed an idle hour or two wondering what Leia would look like getting it on with Hans Solo? Less appealing though is the thought of what Leia would look like getting it on with C3PO and R2-D2 or Jabba the Hutt. Better than all of that, there’s Darth Vader in tights and high heels. Work that black helmet, baby. Somewhere someone is getting off to that as we speak.

6. Mythbusters
Ok, let’s admit it: we all have crushes on Kari Byron. At least, I know I do. Not only does she vaguely understand science, she wields power tools and still looks cute. So there’s nothing too surprising about these faux-Kari nudes. After all, the lady did do a photo shoot for Maxim. The thing that boggles the mind is these drawings of Adam Savage and Jamie Hynneman getting it on on a workshop table. You wouldn’t think Jamie would be into that kind of thing, seeing how it might get his shop all dirty.

To be continued

Tags: erotica, fan art, gender bending, my articles

3 Responses to “10 Nerdly Institutions Ruined by Erotic Fan Art, Part I”

  1. soulofaqua Says:

    -scarred for life-

  2. Bonnie Ruberg Says:

    Mission accomplished :).

  3. pacman Says:

    The best pacman games are video games.

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