March 27th, 2008

Where’s a yenta when you need one?

It’s far and away the question I get asked most often about cybersex: “How do I find intelligent, creative, sexy people to sleep with online?”

Tracking down cybersex partners seems so simple. There are millions of sexually willing men and women roaming that infamous series of tubes known the internet. Just enter a public AOL or MIRC chatroom and you’ll see what I mean. But the fact of the matter is, the loudest, most available cybersex partners are also the worst in bed. They’re inexperienced, inarticulate, and sometimes dangerously young (“a/s/l?” doesn’t exactly constitute a binding oath of truth). Having sex with them and you might as well be a sexbot spitting out cliché lines about throbbing members.

I tried to tackle this tricky topic in a recent Click Me, where I recommended real-life hook-up site Adult Friend Finder as a spot ripe for sexy online encounters. A few readers have already written though to say they’ve had less than thrilling experiences there. Others have recommended role-playing MUDs as substitutes–which, likes some of the more elaborate subcultures in Second Life, are full of people who (lions and tigers and bears) can actually write. But getting involved in a community like that takes a serious time commitment. Besides, what if a cyberer doesn’t want to have to go furry or the like just to get off?

All of which has got me thinking about a cybersex matchmaking service. Specifically, it would be a place where people could set up personals ads that tell a little about themselves, what they’re interested in, and where they like to cyber. Then, interested parties could email them at some discreet address to set up meetings. Similar things have actually happened here on Heroine Sheik (I’m very proud of my little love connections). The question is, does something like this already exist?

Typing related terms into Google turns up tons of results, but very few I’d actually trust. Of course, I’ll do more research before jumping into any sort of project, but first I’m wondering whether any Heroine Sheik readers have ever heard of/used a service like this before? For that matter, if one existed, would you use it? Considering how hard it is to find an online mate who can construct an entire sentence, I know I would!

Tags: cybersex, projects

15 Responses to “Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me an Online Sex Match”

  1. Courtney Taylor Says:

    …and now I’m going to have “Matchmaker” stuck in my head all day. lol

  2. Leg Lover Says:

    I have tried some sites at times without any luck. And it is difficult to find a good person to chat with, I sure would be interested in some type of “service”. But Bonnie, you are so good at it, why don’t you continue? :) I am always up for more friends.

  3. Bonnie Ruberg Says:

    What kind of sites have you tried, Leg Lover? Have they turned out to legitimate and just bad? I’m curious what’s out there, but so much of it isn’t exactly what it seems…

  4. Kellie Says:

    I’ve never heard of such a service. I would definitely be interested if you started one.

  5. Bonnie Ruberg Says:

    Awesome. I’m also curious what you guys think about the set-up, having email addresses, and such. From a logistics perspective, it would certainly be easier than setting up an on-site contact system, but I wonder if people wouldn’t be worried about getting bugged, etc.

  6. Leg Lover Says:

    Bonnie, I have been a paid member of some websites with chat rooms and personals, and they never work out, mostly because usually its mostly guys! They were legitimate sites, but you go to a chat room, and its all guys. And I never got any real responses when I tried to contact others, so for me, it turned into a waste of money, which sucked because they were sites catering to my kind of interests.

    I can try and remember more things if you are interested, but I have never seen anything quite like you are proposing. How do you set it up? I am not sure, I am not the tech kind of guy. But I am willing to help test something out if needed!

    As a side note, I have had more success just chatting through here with you and others, Bonnie, than with any real kind of website. So I am willing to try and help you put something together if its possible.

  7. Bonnie Ruberg Says:

    That’s actually the same problem with Adult Friend Finder, Leg Lover, that it’s a lot more guys than girls. I’d like to think that’s just because girls interested in cybersex are turned off by the in-your-face approach, so many this sort of things (where they could find people who can actually speak) might be more appealing?

  8. Leg Lover Says:

    From my experience, I would agree with you, Bonnie, on the “in-your-face” approach that happens way too much online and gives all men a bad name. That is why I tried some sites, thinking that if you are a woman, and joined, that also was why you were there, to connect with someone with like interests. But what happens? There are more guys than girls. Which gets myslef back to the same question I had when starting this:

    Where do you meet women who want to cyber/chat online???

    That is why I am willing to help in any way I can, Bonnie. I am always open to suggestions.

  9. Zero Says:

    Hmm… I’ve tried some chat rooms, such as Yahoo before the raise of the bots. I’ve also tried’s chat service; with less than stellar results. Also, like Bonnie mentioned, there is a possibility of meeting with people too young to be having cyber sex on those sites.

    Additionaly, like Leg Lover’s mentioned, its mostly guys on a majority of chat sites too. I have to admit however, I’ve never tried going to a pay site.

    A site tailored to people who want to have cyber sex would be a great project I think.

  10. Bonnie Ruberg Says:

    Unfortunately, under-aged people could still come onto a site like this and claim to be over 18. I’d like to think, however, that the fact that the process could take a little time (setting up a profile, getting it approved, setting up a new email account, waiting for emails from interested people) might deter younger people who want a quick experience now? Of course, that’s stereotyping, but there’s really no definitive way (without taking cc info) to tell who’s over or under 18…

  11. Anonymous Says:

    It sounds like everyone is in agreement around here, so does that leave us back where we started? Bonnie has an interesting idea, but it would take a lot of work to get something like a cyber matchmaking site up and running. We can dream…

  12. Leg Lover Says:

    Sorry! Didn’t put my name in my last post – still too early for me!

  13. Bonnie Ruberg Says:

    While I can’t say I have the time at the moment, I don’t know if it would really take *that* much work. It could even be set up as a system of forums. It would just have to monitored and people would have to understand that (at first, at least), it’s a crude system…

  14. Scott Jon Siegel Says:

    I think this sounds like a phenomenal idea, personally. I personally envision it as a slick, AJAX-powered social networking site, centered around cyber-sex compatibility, rating users, and getting it on. A site like that could do wonders for the cybersex as a practice, and legitimize cybersex as being more than just a crude method of getting off.

    It can be your big moo!

  15. Bonnie Ruberg Says:

    Well, we’ll see if Adam wants to work with me and make it cool. ‘Cause unfortunately I don’t possess those powers :).

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