March 18th, 2008

Mario Kart Wii comes out April 27th, and while normal people are busy getting psyched for motorcycles and roadway tricks and hours of online play, I’m just missing the Double Dash ability to kick someone’s ass from the back of a moving vehicle.

Specifically, I’ve always been a fan of the two-player co-op mode in Double Dash. True, my kart racing skills have been honed since the N64 days, when kicking my brother’s ass was a point of preteen pride, but to be honest I prefer the back seat. From there, I could concentrate on, well, being a jerk: throwing shells at people at annoying moments, and most importantly punching them in the side if they got too close. To top it off, I never had to pay attention to the road. Real-life driving should be that way!

The Double Dash co-op mode was also great for–dare I say it?–girlfriends. Okay, it works for anyone who’s willing to put aside their gamer ego and ride bitch: boyfriends, girlfriends, your mom, whoever. The idea that some second person can snuggle up close to you in that little kart just to pound on your enemies at close range… What could say love and togetherness better?

Obviously I’m bummed co-op mode (and all naming creativity) seems to have disappeared from Mario Kart Wii. I suppose I’ll just have to learn to steer and punch people at the same time all by myself. Now to role down my car window and find someone to punch…

Tags: new games

4 Responses to “My Girlfriend Could Kick Your Ass from a Moving Vehicle”

  1. Scott Jon Siegel Says:

    Yeah we’ve lost the ability to ride brokeback and punch people, and in return have been given the ability to shake the controller and do stunts. Just doesn’t feel like a fair trade…

  2. Bonnie Ruberg Says:

    We’ve also lost the ability to say (and subsequently giggle about) the term “brokeback” :(.

    I’ve always felt Mario Kart was more about item-inspired vengeance than any type of fancy footwork. Besides, Peach could totally fit Mario on the back of that motorcycle. I see no issue here!

  3. Courtney Taylor Says:

    Yeah, but you can’t tell me that those motorcycles don’t kick ass. Co-op will be missed, but I must confess I have a weakness for motorcycles and such…

  4. Bonnie Ruberg Says:

    Oh, it’s true. The motorcycle prettiness is much appreciated–and without it Mario Kart Wii would probably be too much like its predecessors but still…

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