February 8th, 2008

“Fantasies are a way of rewriting childhood history, sometimes to wreak revenge on abusive or absent adults, sometimes to sanitise memories of them. A woman was attacked from behind as a small girl by her mother, who smashed her head into a glass table. As an adult, her fantasy is about having her breasts caressed by a faceless stranger who reaches over her head.”

This report from The Economist gives us a glimpse at the insights and fascinating accounts waiting in a new book called Who’s Been Sleeping in Your Head: The Secret World of Sexual Fantasies. Based on five years of research into people’s sexual fantasies by author Brett Kahr–including over 18,000 surveys in the United States and Britain–this “sympathetic, witty and erudite” text doesn’t just ask what we fantasize about (apparently intense, violent, disturbing things, surprisingly or not), but also why we fantasize about them. As a sub obsessed with the idea that masochism has power, I’m of course psyched to read anything by a man who understands how the form of our desire can also be a form of our taking control. Seriously, why aren’t I reading this book right now?

Also in the news this week, we’ve got a column by Regina about Kink.com and abbeywinters.com–two “non-fake” porn sites where you can still catch sexy action without all the boob jobs and pretend orgasms of big business pornography. Plus there’s a cool experiment going on Grand Text Auto, i.e. word and game dork central. Blogger Noah Wardrip-Fruin has foregone a traditional peer review for his latest book, Expressive Processing, and is instead publishing it piece by piece on the site, where the Grand Text Auto community can help review it. I can’t say it sounds like the funnest way to spend a Friday evening, but it’s an interesting way to test the relationship between online media and publishing.

Tags: books, Links

3 Responses to “This Week: Experimental, Fantastic, and For Real”

  1. SSJPabs Says:

    Finding out what your SO fantasizes about and why is fascinating to me too. It’s an exercise in intimacy that handled right in terms of both understanding and fulfilling the fantasy, can make you get a lot closer together.

    Plus, very hot!

  2. Bonnie Ruberg Says:

    I think it’s probably also very hard for a lot of people to share that info accurately and honestly with their significant other. I can definitely understand having doubts/fears that, since the SO might not match up with the fantasy, the sharing might not go so well. Still, in personal experience, you’re totally right: it’s an opening not a closing experience.

  3. Can Online Sex Heal Emotional Trauma? | GeezGamer Says:

    […] by Brett Kahr’s book, Who’s Been Sleeping in Your Head, a sort of modern-day Kinsey report, the piece asks, “Can cybersex mitigate emotional trauma the […]

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