Curious what people are saying about you? That’s why the internet is awesome. Googling yourself is the cyber equivalent to sticking your ear up to your parents’ closed bedroom door and listening to them worry whether you’re going to pass fifth grade. Fun!

Anyways, the Voice is curious what people are saying, too. That’s why, for a few of the weeks I was working in-office, I put together this weekly post for the news blog Runnin’ Scared called “Hate Us or Love Us.” There are four of them (one two three four), and the each list links to the things being said about the Voice in the blogosphere–everything from the good and the bad to and the downright snarky.

Hear media moguls mock. Hear hippies reminisce. Hear yours truly get grumbled at for writing about race in Resident Evil 5. They’ll never know you’re listening…

She says she orgasmed during cybersex, but how do I know for sure?

We all hear a lot of dramatic moaning in the cyber sac (”Oh, oh, I just came for the third time!”), but when it comes to real life orgasms, there are definitely fakers among us. But don’t worry, wary cyberers. Last week’s Click Me gives a whole heap of tips for figuring out what’s really going on on the other end of the screen. Just don’t blame me if the truth isn’t as sexy as you hoped. Naked and masturbating? Nope, clothed and eating a sandwich.

Check back in future weeks for a Click Me about actual techniques for one handed typing. Seriously, can you say “life skill”?

This piece takes us way back, to my days writing editorials for Planet GameCube (now Nintendo World Report). First published on February 2nd, 2005, “Game for Girls” some how got lost in the site switch. Now, of course, it has a sparkley new home.

For more old-school Bonnie on “girl games,” check out this Escapist piece, “Games of a Fairer Sex.”

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Games for Girls
They’re pink, they sparkle, they teach you to match outfits. Where these titles, and the girl games industry, went wrong.
By Bonnie Ruberg

You’ve seen them in the stores. You’ve walked the aisles of your favorite gaming retailer and sighed, wondering, Why are these here? You’ve skimmed the wall of GBA boxes, searching for a new release, and noticed their brightly-colored presence among the normal, better titles. You’ve started to ignore them. You don’t even consider them real games anymore. After all, they’re just for kids. Or even worse, for girls.

Girl games. Where did they go wrong?

There’s a plethora of bad girl games floating around right now. As far as Nintendo products are concerned, most of them are for the GBA. Take, for example, the Mary-Kate and Ashley line from Acclaim. Girls Night Out seems to have worked it’s way into the realm of acceptable mediocrity, but Sweet 16, which, in it’s GBA incarnation, received a 45% review on gamerankings.com, is a classic example of a shoddy title. Of the GameCube version, IGN says, Sweet 16 “arrives as a clear Mario Party clone with the Olsen twins license slapped on for good measure.” Disney’s That’s SO Raven offers only more of the same: girly (sometimes insulting) objectives, awkward controls and shallow gameplay. Top that all off with the fact that the game itself isn’t even fun.

A few recent girl games have begun the upstream battle toward quality. A2M’s Lizzie McQuire 2: Lizzie Diaries, the sequel to a stereotypically poor original, shows serious signs of improvement, including clear graphics and actually enjoyable mini-games. Stifled by extremely short play time, and the almost total lack of replay value, Lizze McQuire 2 still manages to have a leg up on the other titles in its genre. Kim Possible 2, another sequel from A2M, seems to even have legitimate, non-girl-game promise. IGN has named it their sleeper hit of the year. With more complicated gameplay and a strong plot, it hasn’t moved to the top of the girl game class, it’s proved itself worthy of entering a different category all together.

Which brings up an important point about girl games: a really good girl game isn’t a girl game anymore. It’s just a game.

“Funny thing is” says IGN, “this deserving sleeper might actually find a second fanbase. You’ve got a platformer with polished design, tight control, plenty of replayability, and a hot gal in the lead role as the butt-kicking, high-flying, belly-shirt-sporting hero chick. Think Castlevania set in So-Cal, or Catwoman with some class. It’s certainly a game that you gamer boys shouldn’t be ashamed of picking up … if you think you can keep up with her.”

But what exactly defines a girl game in the first place? Female characters? Girly missions? Slapdash desigs? In my mind, a girl game is one that has been specifically created for and marketed to girls. The primary concern of those in charge of its production, in the overall, is not quality gaming, but picking up on sales from a profitable niche market. Not that every game publisher doesn’t have money on the mind, but in the case of girl games that desire for profit is never followed up by the healthy market competition that forces production teams to put out a worthwhile product in order to stay afloat. It’s widely accepted element of the industry: girl games suck.

Or, if it’s unfair to say they outright “suck,” it’s obvious that they receive considerably less development care than other, non-girl titles. An overwhelming number, instead of deriving from original concepts, are based off of movies and television shows. Girls, the industry seems to be saying, don’t need originality. They don’t need nuanced gameplay, well-rendered graphics or interesting sound. Girls don’t want innovation; they want mini-games and flashy puzzles. Why waste time in development that will go unappreciated? Girls want what’s girly. They want what sucks.

Who, exactly, are these girls? College students? Stay-at-home moms? Grandmothers in rockers cradling their GBA’s? No, in the case of girl games, when the industry says “girls” the word’s synonymous with “children” (An issue ridiculous enough to warrant an entirely different editorial). So maybe these games are justified in their over-simplicity because their made for kids.

Maybe. But if little girls get crumby girls games, why don’t little boys get crumby boy games? Sure there are other poor, but less “girly,” TV and movie-based titles. But we don’t call these boy games. We just call them bad.

What do young girls really want? Could it be the industry actually has female kids pegged with these (usually) at best luke-warm games? If it seems that way, it’s only because girls aren’t exposed to other types of gaming. They try out the things the media tells them they’ll like. They watch other girls, ones just like themselves, enjoying That’s SO Raven in the ads on TV. They can’t see themselves in Halo 2 advertisements. Why would they? From all that they’ve been told, from what they’ve seen, “girls” don’t play those sorts of games.

What about older girls, women - should they get their own games too? How many sales are the industry missing out on by not putting out equally shoddy titles for female adults? The only reason they haven’t taken advantage of the opportunity like they have with girl games is that they think women wouldn’t buy. Even designing crumby games would be waste of money. Women don’t game. For now, and for the sake of holding back a swarm of bad “women’s games”, let’s not tell them the truth.

And how much of a difference would it make if these games were good? If girl games got just as much time and attention in development as normal games, would they be morally ok? There’s no answer to that question, because such an approach could never actually happen. Girl games are designed for “peripheral” gamers. They are, as such, peripheral games. If they were not, if they were good, as mentioned before, they would cease to be girl games. They might continue to be “girly,” but they would not be girl games.
In the end, the idea of creating gender-specific games, whether for girls or for boys, is just demeaning. By putting out these titles, game makers are implying that girls can’t, and don’t want to, handle real games. Sometimes that might seem right, but only because it’s an accepted (by both sexes) preconception, and not because it’s innately true.

Many people, game publishers and female gamers alike, stand up for girls games, claiming they serve as a necessary entrance-point for many girls into the world of gaming - a gateway to more legitimate games. But do the girls who play girl games really ever move on to better, more complicated titles? Is this gateway really a gateway, or is more like a cull-de-sac?

In my opinion, playing girl games has none of the desired effects. That is, girls who play them do not continue to game. For plenty of consumers, girls games, and their respective platform, the GBA, are separate from the rest of the gaming market. As noted on Game Spot, according to a recent Club Nintendo survey, 22 percent of DS owners are female. It’s become acceptable, in fact somewhat normal, for girls to own handheld systems, but not consoles. The girls I know who are into gaming (and I mean actual, dedicated gamers) certainly did not come in through girls games. In fact, the majority of girl’s I’ve met who used to or still do play girl games foster the same dislike for normal gaming already-established gamers find so frustrating.

What the industry needs to do, both to help out with issues of gender-equality and to make things more money, is to change the face of general, quality, non-gender-specific gaming. If little boys can like real games, so can little girls; it’s just a question of perspective, marketing, and (please!) a little more equal representation in the games themselves. If reluctant potential-girl gamers need gateway games, then Nintendo should be pushing titles like Animal Crossing and Pikmin, quality games with some girl-attractive aspects. Don’t start newbies out by showing them what’s bad and sexist in gaming, show them the cool stuff. Then they’ll be no more need for girl games, just good ones.

Oh, New York, I was just starting to appreciate your all-night take out and your gritty, gritty air.

Yes, today is my last day in-office at The Village Voice. I’ve really enjoyed my time here–the people, the atmosphere, the cubicle walls–but now I’ll be transforming back into a freelancer. That’s because, as of the end of September, I’ll be moving to the South of France. There, I’ll be teaching English to rowdy teenagers, working on my writing, and engaging in bilingual cybersex. I’m also hoping that, over the course of a full seven months, I’ll be able to get a tan. Good luck to me. Living in the city has been great. Where else could I bask in the sunshine between enormous buildings, or go to a voguing show, or get curry delivered to my door? Have I mentioned I’ll miss the food?

No worries, though. Click Me is still going strong, and Heroine Sheik will continue to be a Voice blog. The only real difference for you, reader, is that in the pictures you see of me, I’ll be hugging a palm tree!

Though this article wasn’t published at American Sexuality until this past January, I wrote it about a year back. Shortly after it went up, it sparked a minor controversy and was taken down from the site. It appears here in full.

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Venus in Furs
A Look at Furry Sex in Second Life
By Bonnie Ruberg

With its relative anonymity, universal access, and unique power to connect people across the world, the internet is a breeding ground for sexual expression. Websites, chat channels, and, most recently, massively-multiplayer online role-playing games (MMORPs) have become the contemporary homes for all kinds of sexual subcultures still on the fringe of offline society.

Goreans, cannibal fetishists, voraphiles: these groups may seem foreign to mainstream America, but tucked away in the niches of the internet, such communities can flourish more or less free from outside scrutiny. Yet, in this age of to-each-his-own online acceptance, there’s still one group that regularly ruffles feathers: furries.

Furries are self-described “animalistic creatures with humanoid features.” Wolves, dragons, orca wales: anything goes. Like familiar cartoon characters, these animals can talk, stand upright, or wear clothes. But make no mistake: if furries–frequently shortened to “furs”–have great senses of humor, that doesn’t mean that being a lion, a mouse, even a skunk, is a laughing matter. Furs often associate closely with the animals they imitate.

Though Furry-dom isn’t sexual for everyone, sex does have a strong presence in the furry community, whose membership has boomed thanks to the internet. Online, furs can share fan fiction and art, roleplay over chat servers, or create their own animalistic avatars in virtual worlds. Which isn’t to say furries only exist on the internet. Many hardcore fans own “fursuits”� and attend real-life furry conventions.

Furry fandom has a sizable following. Yet it’s a phenomenon that, if often sensationalized, rarely gets approached constructively. Who better to shed some light on the issue than the people who understand it best, the furs themselves?

“Furries are simply those who look at ‘humanity’ as a whole and say ‘Why?’� explained “bunny” Geo Vaughan. Furry fan Solaire Epsilon agreed, “Furryness is an opportunity to escape human conventions.” As for what makes fur more attractive than human flesh, internet sexpert Noche Kandora posited, “I think the furry skin also can serve as a psychodramatic aid, something to actually help lure out the more base behavior a lot of people tend to keep buried.” In escaping “humanity”� furry-dom allows fans a chance to explore other sides of themselves.

Perhaps one of the biggest misconceptions about furs is that they’re somehow linked to bestiality. “While the concepts… seem similar, many furs are rather put off by the idea of sex with an actual animal�” said Vaughan. “Furries will take animal characteristics of different species and apply them to a human form, but they still mark the difference between a furry and an animal.” In fact, in a recent survey of 360 furries, only 2% expressed interest in bestiality. Instead, bisexuality and a non-judgmental attitude towards sex were the predominant characteristics.

Not that furry sexuality is without its quirks. Take, for example, the fur community in the online game Second Life. Here furries are regular faces in the crowd. They have their own areas, like FurNation, and their own hangouts, like the roman baths–where the pornographic fan art on the wall quickly sets the playful but sexy tone. In Second Life at least, the furry population is largely queer. It’s not uncommon to come across a furry who proclaims himself the only straight fur in FurNation.

Regardless of the gender of the furs involved, there are a number of things that differentiate furry sex and human sex in Second Life. First, the strong identification many furs feel with their “fursonas” and in particular their species, often transfers over into their sex lives. Canine furs have knots on their genitals to grab onto their lovers; feline furs purr with pleasure and scratch like only cats could. Though most furries don’t discriminate by species in picking their friends or sexual playmates, species pride is a given. As one rabbit boasted to another across the steam of the roman baths, “Bunnies make the best lovers.”

How do furs pick their animals selves? The choice seems to be more about self-representation than sexual taste. Kami Woebegone, a blue dragon in a bathrobe, explained, “[in real life] I’m very power hungry and egotistical… so dragons seemed like a logical choice for me. They’re revered.” Still, Woebegone admitted his slithery forked tongue had its perks.

Certain animalistic practices, like rough play or even violence during furry sex, are surprisingly toned down. This stands in contrast to Gor, an extreme form of B.D.S.M. and another popular subgroup in Second Life, which focuses on human power relations.

However the most marked trait of fur sexuality in Second Life is its emphasis on writing. All online sex that uses text chat as its medium relies on the sexual power of words. But fur sex stands alone for its attention to proper spelling, grammar, and, above all, coherent narrative.

For example, take the following encounter between Mynx and Kiatta, two particularly well-spoken feline furries. After a flirtatious run-in on the beach, Mynx has playfully thrown Kiatta over his shoulder and taken her back to his Second Life home, where he has locked her in a sling. Though Second Life does have pose balls–small, floating circles that, when clicked, allow characters to act out motions–the vast majority of these actions are only take place in text. An excerpt from their transcript looks like this:

Mynx frees your tail and begins to use it to tickle your rump.
Kiatta squirms and twists around, giggling…..
Mynx grins and teases your petals with your tail, feeling his sheath swelling up. “Mmm. I can taste that lovely scent.

Even as the situation gets more heated, Mynx and Kiatta’s language stays tight–as if their performances for one another, instead of showing off sexual prowess, are demonstrating under-pressure writing skills:

Mynx pants hotly into your neck, holding you tightly as he continues to pump… growling gently and feeling veins pop to the surface of his shaft to caress your insides… he murrs, claws stroking over your nipples and under the curves of your breasts…
Kiatta shivers, her fur bristling as your clawtips tease her soft nipples, and her sex wettens with excitement as you slide in and out of her rear entrance, her back arching. She arches her hips back, moaning helplessly…

For readers of erotica or erotic fan fiction, these transcripts might not seem particularly impressive. But compare Mynx and Kiatta’s encounter to samples of non-furry text-based sex in Second Life (Character names have been changed to protect the anonymity of the research alt.):

Martin: oh yeah babydoll do it like that i love feelin your tits
Sally: up then down on me. i ur pussy, but no rubbing.
George: Ooooo ooo. U want it on ur knees? Im gonna give it to u hard. But come on tell me r u wet?

Speaking, of course, from generalization, furs seem more likely to avoid the written sloppiness typical of online chat. Whereas, in the non-fur excerpts, capitalization, spelling, grammar, and vocabulary take a back seat to rudimentary communication of desire and/or a sexual act, attention to language comes first in the furry transcript. The two types of text also differ greatly in approach. During sex, in the furry example, direct speech is rare (”I put my paw on your waist.”). Much more common is narration in the third person (”He put his paw on her waist.”). This creates a sense of collective storytelling. As a result, the transcript from the fur encounter more closely resembles a piece of written erotica–or perhaps a piece of the fan fiction that’s so integral to furry culture–than an impromptu sexy dialogue.

But why is furry text-based sex so different? Perhaps it’s become, as anthropomorphic animals, furries have father to stretch their imaginations than normal players. It’s this heavy reliance on roleplaying that resurfaces in fur sex as narration. Or maybe, since furry-dom is so inextricably linked to imagination, it attracts more creative, language- and narrative-oriented participants in the first place.

If there’s one thing furry sexuality can teach mainstream America, said Epsilon, it’s that “sexual deviance is not a reasonable basis for guilt. Being different is not a crime or a sin.” Which is true for all furries–all people–regardless of sexual activity. “In Second Life there are a lot of furries who only want to have sex,†� reminded border collie Gin Clayton, “but there’s also a lot who just like to talk.†� To really understand furry-dom, explained Ian Soulfox, “Basically just picture reality, the same problems and pleasures, but probably with ears and a tail.”

Being a girl gamer is hard enough, but being a gamer and a lesbian…?

On September 6th, 2005, this article of mine ran at Killer Betties, a women gamers site. Unfortunately, as is sometimes prone to happen, the link to “Girl on Girl Gaming” has since committed internet suicide. Thus I bring you the first in a short series of (old-school Bonnie) reprinted articles on sex, gender, and games.

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Girl-on-Girl Gaming
Exploring Communities, Questions and Concerns of Lesbian Video Gamers
By Bonnie Ruberg

If women gamers are a minority in the video game world, then lesbian gamers are a minority among women gamers. Alienated from “normal”, male-oriented, heterosexual gaming culture by both their gender and their sexual-orientation, these female underdogs face many of the same trying issues as other girl gamers, but with some considerable complications. Even though their voices are rarely heard in mainstream media, they too are fighting for equal representation and respect in America’s narrow-minded video game industry. They face magnified concerns about community acceptance, in-game avatars, safe space, and discrimination.

Women, as members of a larger video game society, are often considered peripheral; if so, lesbians are the periphery of this periphery. As such, theirs is an even steeper uphill battle, a struggle against stereotypes not just about femininity, but about being gay. Yet they continue to play, if sometimes in the shadows–caught in a complex gaming culture that, in objectifying and over-sexualizing women, calls into conflict their feminist concerns and the interests of their desires.

One of the larger questions surrounding lesbian gamers, and women gamers alike, is whether they need their own separate space. Can lesbians feel comfortable in gaming communities designed for gays of both sexes? For women of all sexual orientations? What about for gamers as a whole? Some believe that gay males and lesbians have little in common, while a group of purely lesbian gamers can bond over their shared interests. Others, like Chris Vizzini, head of Gaymer.org, think that homosexual gamers of both genders should stick together. “Lesbian and gay male gamers mesh quite well,” says Chris. “I think it’s important for us as gay people to remain intact as a community.” As for the necessity of a gay gaming site, Gaymer’s manifesto states things clearly enough: “The truth is, in the gaming community, there are some pretty staunchly homophobic players… Gaymer.org is about having fun without hearing the bashing.” Though some may doubt the importance of a gay-oriented space, Chris remarks, “I hear constantly from the members of the site how much they like being at ease in a setting where they can talk about their lives without possibly being ridiculed.”

Some lesbians, however, feel more welcome at girl gamer sites than homosexual ones. Sarah Warn, Editor of AfterEllen.com, notes, “Female-dominated gaming communities tend to be more open-minded and inclusive.” And Tracy Whitelaw, the PR Administrator for a female-oriented, lesbian-friendly publication called Thumb Bandits, says lesbians are definitely welcome, even encouraged, at her site. “I think it’s important that lesbian gamers have their own space in the larger gaming community,” but warns Tracy, “I’m always wary of exclusivity as I think it can really hamper progress and development.” Sarah too feels “in the long-term, it’s important that mainstream gaming sites become more inclusive of… lesbian gamers.” Sharon Hadrian, freelance writer and lesbian gamer, says the real goal isn’t cozy segregation, it’s “for gay gamers to ‘come out’ and be noticed in gaming communities.”

Inclusiveness is a gradual process, to be sure. In the meantime, do lesbians gamers prefer to play with other lesbians? Perhaps, but their preferences aren’t always the reality. Out of those interviewed, none had exclusively gay gamer friends. “I enjoy being part of any space that is specifically lesbian,” says Tracy, “because I feel more comfortable in that environment.” It makes things simpler, she continues, because you “already have something in common.” But, as Chris notes, it’s not easy to find other people who are both homosexual and interested in gaming: When you do discover someone, “it’s like hitting the homo jackpot.”

While lesbian friends certainly play together in person, there seems to be little visible lesbian gaming community to speak of online. There’s a small number of general gay gamer sites, some broader lesbian or gay male sites that discuss gaming, and a few girl gamer sites openly accepting of lesbians–aside from which there is, ostensibly, no strictly lesbian gaming space on the internet.

That doesn’t mean lesbian gamers are resting snugly in mainstream communities. Often, they are treated inhospitably by both fellow gamers and game creators. “As a female gamer, I don’t feel like I fit into their marketing ploys or demographic, and as a lesbian I am afraid of retribution if I react to male-oriented advertising,” says Sharon. “Developers, designers, CEO’s, marketing people, etc. are mostly male, and they respond to a (perceived) mostly male audience, and thus male desires.”

Sometimes discrimination and unfair treatment are so blatant that they can’t help but drive lesbian gamers away. When asked if she felt comfortable on male-dominated gaming sites, Tracy relayed this upsetting, but hardly unbelievable story: “I had a recent bad experience with a British Xbox forum… From the moment I joined, the fact that I was a female firstly elicited numerous responses about what I looked like, would I sleep with people, did I really play games and so on. When they found out I wasn’t interested in guys, I received a ton of responses which quite honestly were bordering on sexual harassment. They continuously referred to lesbian sex acts, watching me perform them and so on. I was completely disgusted.”

If this is how forum-goers react to female homosexuals, one can only imagine how they treat male ones. In the overall, it’s a toss up: who gets less visibility and respect in the video game industry, lesbians or gay males? By the numbers, the men should far outweigh the women (considering by what factor males outnumber females in the gaming world), but the lesbian presence appears equal, if not larger, than that of gay males. “I have never, as far as I’m aware, even met a gay male gamer,” says Tracy. “For once I actually think that the gay guys might have less of a voice than lesbians.” Chris agrees that, though there may be more men on his site, women are in no way shy about making themselves heard.

It may be that the same strict gender expectations that keep lesbian gamers out of the limelight in mainstream gaming culture allow them more recognition than men. Male gamers face harsher standards for sexuality and much more biting criticism in video game communities than do women. Perhaps more gay male gamers would “out” themselves if the gaming industry, which we so often view as favoring men, would be less narrow-minded in understanding itself and its own treasured members.

These mainstream expectations are also reflected in video games themselves. In-game homosexuality is very rarely depicted. Even when gay characters do appear, some lesbians feel they aren’t being represented constructively - much the way that women gamers worry about the portrayal of female characters in general. “Lesbians”, for example, appear in Playboy: The Mansion, but arguing that as a case of meaningful representation seems somehow equivalent to looking for role-models in the women of Dead or Alive Beach Volleyball. One of the few games with real homosexual appeal is The Sims, often viewed as a haven for lesbian gamers since it allows the player, through her own decisions, to determine the sexual orientation of her characters.

Like any other group, lesbian gamers feel the right to be proportionally represented in the games they play. Says Sarah, “The trend we’re starting to see towards games… with characters who are essentially bisexual is the direction we should be heading in.” Chris remarks of gay gamers, “It’s up to us to let the game companies know that we’re here and we play and buy games too.” Which raises an interesting point: just what do lesbians play? Those interviewed cited The Sims as a unanimous favorite. After that, however, the answers were very eclectic–ranging from sports games to fighters to first person shooters. Of course, it’s silly to make blanket statements about lesbian likes and dislikes. They may have in common that they seek out game environments where they feel comfortable as homosexuals, but they’re still individual people with individual interests. You can’t have fun without feeling welcome. And like everybody else, lesbian gamers are playing, in the end, to have a good time.

Perhaps the most revealing question of all though is how do lesbians, as women who like women, reconcile their concerns about over-sexualized female representation and their own desires. Some admit the answer may be tainted by repression, a fear of being judged for public displays of attraction. Still, it seems clear that most lesbian gamers choose to be sensible, self-respecting women before love-struck lesbians. “We’re sick to our stomachs with the bimbos!” says Tracy.

“I respond more to the feminist side of things than to my attractions as a lesbian,” says Sharon. “My understanding of male-centered advertising that exploits women far outweighs any sort of desires it might otherwise have had.” Indeed, maybe this is why lesbian gamers feel so comfortable in female-oriented gaming communities, because they share concerns common to all women, regardless of sexual orientation. Moreover, unlike many men, they are able to rise above their sexual feelings in order to address the important issues at hand, like objectification and equal representation. Admits Sharon, “I react as a woman first and as a lesbian second.”