I can’t say I’m surprised that the “Little Sister” mechanic in Bioshock has got everyone up in arms–but at least it’s getting attention. If you’re not familiar with that part of the game (my copy is in the mail; until it comes, I can only drool from afar), Little Sisters are creepy, young girl-like enemies whom you can decide to kill for extra power, or save for potential future reward, and/or the overall moral good. Little Sisters are also protected by larger enemies called “Big Daddies.” Have I mentioned yet how absolutely amazing this is? Can we say overtones of pedophilia, incest, child abuse? This is just the kind of complicated, anxiety-causing, thought-provoking material that we need need need to raise the artistic expectations for mainstream video games.

Of course, some people are already raising red flags over the fact that, simply put, players can kill what appear to be young girls. What’s even more interesting are the players’ own responses to the question: Do you harvest or save the Little Sisters? Most seem to be sparing the girls, or at least promising to play the game a second time and spare them. As Wired has pointed out, Bioshock itself takes place in an Ayn Rand kind of world–which is to say, among other things, that the individual (i.e. you) comes first–so it’s not surprising that many players are approaching the question strategically. Myself, I’m just fascinated by the role of monstrous female enemies in games, as well as the role of little girls. So the fact that the two have come together… Let’s just say there’s going to be some seriously giddy analysis going on here once that game final arrives.

Update: My copy just came in. I know what I’m doing this weekend…

Updated update: Leigh, who is somehow my magical video game doppelganger, wrote her Aberrant Gamer column this week on the same subject. Check it out for much more on morals, humanity, redemption… and the rest of those Billy Idol lyrics.

What movie gives you mullets, poop-spattered children, and competitive gaming glory? It’s King of Kong, the documentary about two classic gamers going head to head for the Donkey Kong world record. Its run at the IFC in New York unfortunately ended this Tuesday, but it’s still floating around independent film land, spreading it’s game-related goodness. Of course, it’s not a portrait of anything like the “average gamer,” but it’s full of so many game-dork stereotypes–including it’s complete lack of female players under age 70–that gamers can’t help but share a few inside giggles. And not that there’s a dull moment, but if you ever are bored, there’s always the shine off Billy Mitchell’s perfectly blow dried, perfectly sleazy hair to stare at–or the horrible bulge of his wife’s hypnotizingly fake breasts. Ah, the sweet taste of competition.

When it comes to Soul Calibur, apparently your fighting power is equal to the size of your sexy bits. Kotaku brings us these new shots ofSoul Calibur IV, which reveal the perhaps unsurprising fact that next gen technology really means a whole new generation of enormous breasts. Seriously, how can Sophitia fight with those things? They’re literally bigger than her head. Cassandra at least gets a smaller (it’s all relative) perkier pair.

As for Voldo… Have I mentioned lately how much I love Voldo? Any fighter decked out as a creepie, ass-kicking sub has my vote for Awesomest Video Game Character of All Time. Seriously. I play as Voldo all the time; I destroy everything in my path. Anyways, Voldo seems to have retained his beloved creepiness–as well as his gag–and acquired some spikes. Needless to say, I’m way excited for Soul Calibur IV. Come to me quickly, my cod-piece wearing friend…

Last week I reported that the makers of Whorecraft, Warcraft-themed pornography, were bringing us a new series: first-person shooter porn. Yesterday I got a chance to watch the first episode of the aptly naked “Cock and Load.” While I can’t claim Whorecraft was my favorite porn in the world, I did admire its sense of humor and its lovingly dorky details (A naked, green-painted troll who keeps up her Jamaican accent even while orgasming? That’s dedication). But when it comes to this whole FPS porn thing, I think I’ve got to agree with Kotaku: there’s enough sex and violence in mainstream media. We don’t really need to see one more woman giving head at gun point.

I don’t doubt that this episode was conceived with good, gamerly intentions–and there are definitely a few FPS fanboy nods, including a “kill screen” and some solid minutes of “floating gun” perspective. But unfortunately it reads like a mediocre action movie, spliced with two scenes from a slightly grating porno. The plot, despite dramatic fades from scene to scene, is pretty simple: someone owes someone money. To make sure things gets paid, two anonymous bad guys capture a pretty woman. While waiting for the pay-off, one forces himself on her. Eventually “you” (i.e. the character who’s first-person perspective the camera sometimes switches into) arrive, gun in hand, to save her. When you do, she thanks you by giving you an endless–and endlessly uncomfortable–blow job.

The episode has at least one entertaining moment: a Spanish-speaking bad guy who guards the house where the girl is being held runs out of ammo, and as you approach he helplessly dry fires his gun from crotch level toward the ground. Besides that, Cock and Load is decidedly not funny. The first-person shots leading up to sex are just as entertaining as watching your friend play an FPS: which is to say, not. Sex scene number one goes from creepy (call me old-fashioned, but I’m not personally turned on by women sobbing) to forced (three seconds ago you were crying, and now you want him to do what to you?). Sex scene number two is at least interesting in that it uses the first-person perspective. Alas, there’s no wang cam–but the camera work definitely implies that it’s “you” getting that blow job, staring down at your gun-like cock.

If there’s one way Cock and Load really holds true with the FPS tradition, it’s its thematic violence. Though there’s no blood in episode, there’s a fair share of screaming, kicking, and forceful oral sex. Maybe I haven’t been watching enough porn lately, because apparently it’s pretty standard, but I can’t help but cringe when I hear a female actor choking. And it’s not just the bad guy that gags this girl. In fact, the “good guy” blow job–every more tellingly, the first-person blow job–is the more painful and aggressive. Coughing with even pump of “your” hips, the female actor stares up at the camera looking drugged and ready to cry.

Meanwhile, what were those two topless women doing just hanging out in the living room? FPS Porn, if you’re going to be a let-down, don’t also be a tease…

Fetishes! We’ve got fetishes!

For those who haven’t yet been inexplicably drawn to the Voice site by the invisible promise of well-stockinged legs, last Friday’s Click Me was about using cybersex as a way to explore fetishes you wouldn’t/couldn’t in real life. As an example, you can read all about one Click Me reader’s (hot) cybersexploits. I won’t give too much away, but it does involve the line, “Stroke your cock with those pink panties.” Yeah, it’s fun.

If you haven’t read Click Me in a while, last week’s was a guide to meeting talented cybersex partners, and the week’s before was dedicated to getting started with Webcam sex. As Fleshbot points out, up till now most of the pieces have been very “Cybersex 101″–but will Click Me be able to entertain both newbs and seasoned veterans? It’s a darn good question, and one I’m going to try to keep in mind over the next few weeks with some colorful new Click Me’s. In the meantime, I’m all ears for exciting stories…

You’ve seen games from the perspective of guns. Now see sex from the perspective of… penises?

Kotaku reports that the guys who brought you the Warcraft-themed porn World of Whorecraft are coming out with a new series, FPS Porn-Operation: Cock and Load. Apparently the first episode has a ton of FPS references, if a little less color than it’s elf-ear-sporting predecessor. I haven’t seen the video yet (don’t worry, it’s porn; my request is already in the virtual mail), but more than the content I’m curious about the, well, perspective.

First-person porn certainly already exists. Usually it means the scenes are shot from the perspective of the man in a girl-on-guy arrangement. In theory, that’s supposed to accomplish two things: 1) Make you feel like it’s your (yes, your) cock being sucked, and 2) show you as little of the man involved as possible. But when I hear about FPS-inspired porn, all I can think about it some sort of penis cam. I’ve felt for a long time there’s a visual connection between the floating (supposedly handheld) guns in FPSs and, you know, wangs. Can’t you just seeing it bobbing out in front of the camera, waiting to shoot? The penis, the gun: I don’t know which one I mean. Unfortunately, the screen grabs promises no such camera work.

Just got access to the video. Will report back soon with the penis-y details.