July 30th, 2007

Seriously, please, ask me questions. I’ve been writing my cybersex advice column “Click Me” for two months or so now, and I love doing it, but I need more input from readers (and current, future, ex cyberers) like you! What do you want to know about sex online? Have you had any strange experiences you never quite figured out? Are you still new and need more learning-the -ropes tips before diving in? Come on. Ask me. Tell me. Rant at me. Whatever. My email is in the contact section. The cybersexpert needs her fix.

In case you didn’t see it, last week’s Click Me was about sex with webcams: how to do it, where to do it, the sheer number of wangs you’ll see in a day of researching it. To be honest, I’m actually quite new to webcam sex myself. I’ve only recently acquired a cam–it came built in to my new Mac–and I’m still a bit camera shy. Text gives me time to think about what I’m going to say. It also gives me the freedom to do fifteen things while simultaneously cybering for research. Watch TV and cyber. Eat a sandwich and cyber. Sexy, I know. As much as a I hate to say it, bad cybersex is just too boring to do on its own. Anyways, I’d like to thank Wired sexpert Regina Lynn for her help on the subject of webcams. I’m hoping that in the future, when I have a little more cam expertise, I can repay the favor.

Tags: Click Me, cybersex, my articles, webcams

19 Responses to “Ask Me Questions about Cybersex!”

  1. darkpen Says:

    I think the realm of webcams and “tits or gtfo” is a crude, crude world, especially when discussing the dynamics and behavior of “camwhores” and their audience.

    If anything, internet anonymity, as well as the exploitation of personal information when discovered, is fascinating and frightening to watch, like a really bad car wreck filled with women, surrounded by rapists and misogynists.

    Cybersex started with anonymity and role playing that could be tracked with a little bit of hacking, where many men found that their so-called lover was actually another guy, through nothing but text. Now, we have webcams and people using Craigslist for real sex.

    I do not understand how cyber sex can possibly appeal to anyone beyond puberty, especially when there’s such a good chance for the writing to be terrible. The pure concept of interacting with someone hundreds of miles away from you might be exciting the first time, but for how long and how many times can you get off from that? Or rather, is this merely a practice that becomes routine that’s done for shits and giggles?

  2. Bonnie Ruberg Says:

    I do not understand how cyber sex can possibly appeal to anyone beyond puberty
    Now now, let’s not be as harsh as that. I understand your frustration, even your pessimism. Sometimes it can be really hard to find good cybersex out there. But in my experience, if you’re patient, it does come. In Second Life, for example, I’ve had maybe three really intense, really sexy encounters. Granted, that’s over two years or so, and a lot of research. But then again, since I’m trying to see how most people cyber, I’m often not picky. What I mean is, don’t give up all hope. It may seem pretty base, but then I’m sure a lot of RL sex is that way too. That doesn’t mean there can’t be good sex, too.

  3. Anne Packrat Says:

    Why don’t you do a column on Rule 34? You know, if it exists there is porn of it? I’ve found porn of stuff you wouldn’t believe out there.

  4. Bonnie Ruberg Says:

    Stuff I wouldn’t believe? Do tell!

    As for a column, I’m not quite sure how that would work. I’m sure it’s a similar thing with cybersex: if it exists, people are doing it online. Maybe examples of all the crazy (i.e. non-normative; sorry, gotta cover my back on things that I myself would be mad if I heard other people saying :) stuff people do…

  5. Michael Says:

    Sex games is better then sex in games :)

  6. Anne Packrat Says:

    Er, I’ve got Thomas the Tank Engine Porn, a can of Mountain Dew jacking off over a sandwich, Arthur incest, Erin E-surance getting it on with the Geico Gecko, and a Pikachu giving oral to Jesus. That’s about the tip of the jizz-covered ice burg though. ^^

  7. Bonnie Ruberg Says:

    Wow, that’s quite an assortment, Anne. Are we talking erotica here? Fan drawing? I’m particularly curious about the Thomas the Tank Engine porn. I mean, those trains mostly just had faces–but orifices, I doubt it…

  8. nectarine Says:

    I’ve a question for you, where do you cyber?
    Obviously there is second life. Then there is MSN, etc, but using MSN the cyber lover would have your email address.

    Do issues come up if someone knows how to contact you? Cyber stalking is a very real problem. Much like being hassled by an ex in real life, have you heard of many ex cyber lovers getting problematic?

    Obviously it takes practice to become very careful at being protective of identity. Do you know of cyberin’ newbies that encountered problems.

  9. Bonnie Ruberg Says:

    Do you know of cyberin’ newbies that encountered problems.
    I don’t actually. In terms of anonymous chat, I’ve been using AOL chat rooms, but I’m also pretty displeased with them. It seems that 75% of the population is under 18 (not cool for me or anyone else over age 18). It’s an important issue though, especially since we hear so much about internet predators, etc.: cybering and identity protection. I’ll definitely let you know if I tackle it with actuall effort in the near future :)!

  10. Anne Packrat Says:

    They’re mostly fan drawn. The Thomas the Tank Engine one is just a photoshopped image of them so that they look like they’re humping and Thomas has kind of a surprised / scared expression on his face. People often draw it just for the lulz, if you’re excuse the term.

  11. Bonnie Ruberg Says:

    People often draw it just for the lulz.
    That’s true–and in this case comforting :). That brings us back around to sex as comical vs. sexy, something we’ve talked about at Heroine Sheik before. Then again, what’s even weirder (sorry, don’t mean to judge: what seems even more socially unusual :) is when people write/draw like that for actual, turns-me-on, sexual purposes. Like Link and Midna sex: there’s plenty of that out there. I mean, I guess she is pretty cute for an imp, but still…

    As for Thomas looking surprised and scared, I can totally see that :).

  12. Anne Packrat Says:

    Oh, I’m sure some of it is turn-on stuff, especially the Duck Tales and other furry stuff I found. I’m not one to judge though, since I write pornographic fanfic. ^^;;

  13. Cray Says:

    OK, here’s a serious question. What if you are picky? What if you’re not into the “lolers” and “aslers” (you know what I mean), and are actually looking for someone intelligent who knows how to type, and more importantly, realizes the importance of being detailed and descriptive?

    In the past five years, I can say I have only had two such experiences. Is there some sort of a norm for this thing? A “go to” place? A way to get in touch with people with these similar interests without having to give my credit card number to a gazillion match-making websites?

    After all, cybering is about getting online, doing your thing, and then getting back off and returning to the real world. I don’t think I would ever actually spend money to actively search for a partner.

    You’ve probably been asked this question a ton of times before, and I apologize for that. I’ll try harder to come up with something a little deeper the next time. ;)

  14. Bonnie Ruberg Says:

    That’s actually a very good question, Cray, and one I’m always looking for better answers to. As a start, I would suggest checking out this week’s “Click Me,” which is about how (if not where) to pick up good cybersex partners. In the overall, it can be a pretty frustrating process, but hopefully talking/writing about cybersex will help raise the standard across the board!

  15. Klyde Evans Says:

    Anne, do you think you could hook me up with that Mountain Dew jacking off over a sandwich? That sounds like heavy lulz

  16. Cybersexy Says:

    I am soooooo against webcams! As soon as a guy asks “got a webcam?”, I instantly know the cybersex with him will be less than stellar. How? Because he has no imagination.

    Don’t get me wrong. I’m not averse to using game mechanics (such as poseballs in SL) to spice up the cybersex. But webcams take you away from the imaginative aspect of cybersex, and plop you down in reality. If I want real sex, I have a husband for that. ;)

  17. Bonnie Ruberg Says:

    True, true. Although the piece I’m writing this week for Click Me does involve some pretty imaginative cam use :). Me personally, I agree with you. What’s sexy for me about cybersex is the imaginative, writerly part, not the naked bits.

  18. rob Says:

    i think cyber sex is pro and you shood cyber with me at footballjock60@hotmail.com cyber with me and send pics if you want

  19. Jade Reporting » August 5 Says:

    […] Ask Me Questions about Cybersex! […]

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