Comments on: Dan Savage on Second Life

By: P. Sagan

P. Sagan — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 01:46:56 +0000

I’d say that it’s “cheating” if it’s damaging to a particular relationship, and especially if the partners haven’t agreed to allow SL sex.

Personally, if I were having virtual sex with a real human, through any means – phone, online, written – I’d consider that cheating, because some person, other than my partner, is engaged in getting me off, and vice versa.

By: Bonnie Ruberg

Bonnie Ruberg — Thu, 17 May 2007 14:08:37 +0000

Hi, Tetsuo. I’d actually love to hear more about your frustrations. What specifically seems to be un-fun or un-sexy?

By: Tetsuo

Tetsuo — Wed, 16 May 2007 04:13:53 +0000

No, cheating on Second Life is not real cheating, because at least real cheating can be fun and arousing, two things Second Life fails miserably at despite numerous desperate attempts at the latter.

By: Bonnie

Bonnie — Wed, 09 May 2007 02:43:49 +0000

My answer is not so much, but something tells me the issue will keep popping up.
It’s one of those unanswerable questions, I think, but certainly an interesting debate.

By: Leigh

Leigh — Wed, 09 May 2007 02:36:50 +0000

I really think it depends on why the person’s doing it. It’s like anything else– flirting with someone else when you’re in a relationship can be an exercise in individualism, normal and healthy– you’re not serious, and then you take the good vibes back home to your boy/girl. But if you’re not happy in the relationship and you’re actually flirting in order to look for something else, well, then it heads into dangerous territory.

If people are secretly having virtual sex because it gives them something they’re not getting in the relationship that they can’t discuss, that’s problematic. For a lark, is it cheating? Nope.

I was recently wondering on my blog, though, whether “virtual rape” is “real rape.” My answer is not so much, but something tells me the issue will keep popping up.

By: Bonnie

Bonnie — Tue, 08 May 2007 20:46:38 +0000

That’s a very good question: What counts as cybersex? I had a debate about that recently with Dan, the guy who make i’m in like with you. Definitely good stuff for an upcoming column and/or post…

By: phalligator

phalligator — Tue, 08 May 2007 19:55:22 +0000

An important distinction (for those who want to try define cheating, which in my opinion is a lost cause) may be whether or not folks are using cybersex to just get off, or to build more in depth relationships.

By: BrainFromArous

BrainFromArous — Tue, 08 May 2007 18:25:08 +0000

Well… is phone sex or exchanging dirty letters “cheating?” If so, then so is this.

By: phalligator

phalligator — Tue, 08 May 2007 17:17:39 +0000

Since there are numerous ways to have cybersex, I’d be curious where most people draw the line. Naughty America may bring up some issues… if it ever comes out.

By: Bonnie

Bonnie — Tue, 08 May 2007 16:06:39 +0000

Good point, Moo. I'm not trying to say cybersex always is cheating, just that we can't claim it's always not cheating.