It’s a great point, Kelly. We’re so obsessed with labels and categories that we overlook the right to just peacefully like… whatever you like. Voyeurism is just as valid an element of sexuality as, say, sexual preference, and the one certainly doesn’t have to imply the other. Unfortunately, they’ve yet to organize an “I like to watch; deal with it” parade ;).

I’m not bisexual or . I’m just pervy.

This causes people a lot of confusion. I hate when people can’t accept that someone is interested in voyeurism and fantasy or role play of things that they don’t actually desire. It’s not a latent or repressed desire, though most people will attribute things to some deep-seated unmet need because everyone’s an armchair psychologist these days. :D

Still, I’ve had these horrible incidents with exes and friends where I’ve revealed erotic interests I have. Anyways, I wish I could say I don’t give a crap what anyone thinks of my sexuality and gender identity issues, but when it’s someone I care about and they don’t believe that I know what I want or who I am… it’s very frustrating.

Likewise, I hate when people say everyone’s a “little bi-curious” or assumes that every straight person is just repressed from exploring their queer side. And I don’t even like to get started on transgender issues because I think gender exploration is a lot more complicated than only dealing with people going to the traditional opposite of the traditional assigned gender for your physical sex. A lot of people have gender discomfort or issues but it’s not as black/white as what traditional transgender studies deals with openly. I think in the future there will be a broader dialogue about gender and sexuality, with less emphasis on a handful of incomplete labels, each loaded with misinformation and cultural BS.

People go through all sorts of gender construction and deconstruction even within the same “male” or “female” designation. There are types of men and types of women that are hardly opposite, etc. Similarly, with the complexities of gender it’s silly to think you can define your sexuality in those terms. Straight? WTF? There are probably 80% or more of the male population that I wouldn’t ever want to have sex with. EVER. Gender and sex characteristics alone can’t determine our sexual attractions so why do we define our sexuality this way?

It seems to invite a lot of needless problems and distress. Because no matter which identity you settle for there is going to be someone judging you for it (for the label and what that label means to them, regardless of who you actually are as a person or what you do). If you’re a vanilla-sex monagamous couple there’s some self-proclaimed sexpert online bashing your lifestyle and hinting that you’re just too repressed to fuck the way you *secretly* really want to fuck. If you’re a kinky pain-slut then you have someone griping about you from a moral or psych perpsective. Bisexuals get a lot of gruff (esp. bi girls from lesbian women) but if you look around everyone else is getting it pretty good from some jerk on some other side…

Everyone has their cross, so to speak, but my particular pain lately is getting crucified for a voyeuristic appetite that seems to encourage really insulting speculation on why I like this site or that video or whatever fantasy I’m currently digging on, even though at least half of it is nothing I would want to do in real life. It’s getting to where I’m going to need a freemason’s blood oath to let someone use my browser (unless I get to clear out the history and google drop-down first). ;p

I just mean that the scale would have to go out in lots of different directions, since it wouldn’t just have one qualifier. Not that that makes any more sense than a starfish :).

(lol. I just pasted this text into a Microsoft Works document for spell check purposes, and there's a red line beneath the word "intersexual," marking it as incorrect merely because the software doesn't recognize it.)
Yeah, I love when that happens. Ah, the politics of common language.

Who says the Internet can’t be edumacational?

“Although, I don't know if it could really be a linear scale, or just, I don't know, like a star fish. Did that make sense to anyone else?”

No. Perhaps you can clarify?

“So you would think it's the hetero sex they're flippant about. But no.”

Hmmm…maybe it’s social conditioning showing through? Y’know, like they accept homosexuality, but they’re still trained to think of hetero relationships as “normal,” so that’s their benchmark.

Actually, depending on the resource you use, sometimes the definition of intersexual allows for what type of sexual creature I am, sometimes not.

Funny thing about the word transgender: it’s not even included in certain dictionaries. For example, it’s omitted entirely from my 1,630-page American Heritage College dictionary.

So yeah, I’m not so surprised about the confusion.

(lol. I just pasted this text into a Microsoft Works document for spell check purposes, and there’s a red line beneath the word “intersexual,” marking it as incorrect merely because the software doesn’t recognize it.)

I think the term “transgender” is more overarching than a lot of people may realize. Maybe this will help a little:

“Transgender (sometimes shortened to trans or TG) people are those whose psychological self (’gender identity’) differs from the social expectations for the physical sex they were born with. To understand this, one must understand the difference between biological sex, which is one's body (genitals, chromosomes, ect.), and social gender, which refers to levels of masculinity and femininity.”

That’s a definition I found on the University of California at Berkeley Web site, and it’s one I happen to agree with for the most part. The second part of definition:

“An umbrella term for transsexuals, cross-dressers (transvestites), transgenderists, gender queers, and people who identify as neither female nor male and/or as neither a man or as a woman. Transgender is not a sexual orientation;transgender people may have any sexual orientation. It is important to acknowledge that while some people may fit under this definition of transgender, they may not identify as such.”

The link is posted in one of the sidebars of my Web site under “Sex Info.” :)

my gender identity being a mix of male and female, or transgender, which is not a sexual orientation.
Ah, see it’s the specific use of the word “transgender” that’s different. Normally, people identify as trans when they’ve made an attempt to shift into another gender, if not a biological sex. Being in between genders makes you… well, who knows :-).

Smarty-pants! No need to feel targeted. I was talking in general terms. I happen to like you and Scott. :)

As far as the phrase "bisexual genetic male": Bisexual, meaning sexual desire for both sexes; and genetic male meaning the distinction between biological sex and gender identity — my gender identity being a mix of male and female, or transgender, which is not a sexual orientation (which you probably are aware of.)

‘Tis a tad complex, I know. :D

It's like there's a Kinsey Scale for monogamy.
Hmm, hadn’t thought of it that way, but you certainly have a point. Although, I don’t know if it could really be a linear scale, or just, I don’t know, like a star fish. Did that make sense to anyone else?

Actually, that attitude kinda implies that they think gay relationships are inferior to straight ones.
You know, the funny thing about that is that, with one couple I have in mind, they both normally identify as gay. So you would think it’s the hetero sex they’re flippant about. But no.

A small minority of men are gay, some are bi and the rest are male lesbians"¦
Ha, I’ve heard that male lesbian one before–and it’s always a poorly diguised pick up line. “Oh, I’m so sweet. All my friends are girls. I just really care about a woman’s need. It’s like, I’m a lesbian with a penis or something”–puppy eyes, puppy eyes. If I want a man, give me a real one ;).

I suppose it gives people (and I use that term loosely) something to talk about.
What a coincidence, that what Scott and me do all day: How would you define Noche’s sexuality? We sip coffee and discuss. Because, Jesus, otherwise what is there to say? ^_^

I am a bisexual genetic male.
You know, I’ve always wondered about that definition: not that you’re not entitled to identify any way you wish–it’s just that I know a fair share of bi people, of trans people, of people born intersex, and I’ve never been able to fit your description into a normal mold. Not that that’s a bad thing…