February 13th, 2006

Are you a person of a gender? Do you play in an MMO using an avatar of a different gender? Want a chance to talk about yourself for a bit instead of listening to me? Wow, what a coincidence, you’re just who I’m looking for!

I’m putting together a short list of profiles of players who present cross-gender in MMO’s for a post on Terra Nova. It’s nothing formal, and I don’t need names or explanations (See it all goes back to your childhod…), just a brief description of what you’re like in RL — things like, what you do for a living, how old you are, what you look like, what your hobbies are, how long you’ve been gaming — and an even briefer description of what you’re like in-world.

So, if you’re interested in sharing a little bit about yourself, feel free to email me at bonnie [at] heroine-sheik [dot] com, or, if you’re feeling brave, leave a comment here on the site. I look forward to hearing from/about you!

On a personal note, I’ve discovered there is a God. More specifically, I’ve finally found a way to break through these absurd firewalls here where I’m staying in Ireland, and I am now officially back on Second Life. Hallelujah!

An updated shout-out: Any women in the audience who present cross-gender in-game? You must exist; I can feel it in my bones. If you are out there, please do speak up, so we (and eventually TN) can hear both sides on this one!

Tags: Blog

42 Responses to “Show and Tell”

  1. New Game Plus » Looking for Interviewees: Gamers who Bender-bend Says:

    […] line Games. She is putting together gamer profiles for an upcoming Terra Nova post. From her blog: I'm putting together a short list of profiles of players who present cross-g […]

  2. sotonohito Says:

    I am a male computer geek, 31 years old, married, and long time gamer. Currently I’m a full time college student again, focusing on east asian history, and the Japanese language. I used to do olympic style fencing, though today I’m too out of shape. Before I went back to college full time I was a computer tutor, corporate trainer, and repairman. My politics are liberal, my taste in reading tends towards hard SF and Terry Pratchett.

    I don’t care for FPS games, or Myst type games. I tend to play godsims, strategy (turn based and RTS). I also play tabletop RPG’s, and am often the GM. I like manga, and (to a lesser extent) anime.

    I play World Of Warcraft and I tend to play female characters. Of my five characters only one is male. While in game I do not make any particular effort to fool people into thinking I’m a woman in real life, nor do I make any effort to let people know that I’m a man in real life. I don’t flirt, or try to produce any sexual vibes. I take a quiet pride in the fact that I’m not one of the losers who strips down and dances in Goldshire. I *do* tend to refer to myself using feminine terms (ie: “I’m your girl” instead of “I’m your boy” when agreeing to help someone). Whether that’s simply roleplaying, or something deeper I leave to the armchair pyschologists.

  3. Brummbar Says:

    You’re gay.

    Joke! Seriously, though, if your female characters are not gratuitously sexual – and kudos to you for that – then what is the appeal of playing a female? Is there some aspect of femininity (real or play-acted) that appeals to you?

    And speaking of SF, have you read LeGuin’s LEFT HAND OF DARKNESS?

  4. Zack Wood Says:

    Le Guin’s Left Hand of Darkness is amazing! I enjoy the conclusion that men and women, due to being only one sex or the other, are limited to only half of the human experience.

    I tend to play as female characters, just because I feel like I’m playing as a type of character that gets the least attention. I know female characters are just as popular as male ones, but I like playing as non-traditional ones, like a female Tauren. Female Taurens are so loveable! Then again, I did enjoy playing as a female troll, who was very cute… but very insane (it was an RP server). I like haiving cute, silly characters, that will actually whoop your ass. My playing style consists of doing funny things that may not be the most efficient way, but are the most enjoyable way (for me). Having a pet Plainstrider, for example, that is massively leveled up, even though it’s not the best fighter. They’re just so endearing. I also like helping others in a team and being friendly, as well as joking around by using the built in game functions in silly ways.

    IRL, I’m a 20 year old male who is about 96% attracted to other males. I believe in abolishment of the binary gender system and its “black and white” views of sexuality. I play as male characters sometimes, but when I do I usually choose an attractive one. I still prefer non-traditional combos of race and class, though. Maybe I just want to feel like an underdog or want to feel special. I dunno, but I do usually use female avatars.

  5. Brummbar Says:

    LEFT HAND is a great book – and criminally underappreciated.

    For better or worse, though, I don’t think the gender system is going away anytime soon…

  6. sotonohito Says:

    Brummbar: I’ve never read anything of LeGuin, and not for lack of trying. She just isn’t my style for some reason. SF wise I tend to like David Weber (though its all fluff, potboiler type stuff, its fun), Spider Robinson, Eric Flint, and Heinlein (though as I’ve aged I find I like Heinlein’s political/social commentary less than I did when I was a child). Some of Varley’s stuff is good (I liked the second in the Titan series, and I found Steel Beach good until it started sucking), and some is just terrible (Millinium, for example). S.M. Stirling is high on my list, dispite not really being SF.

    As for being gay, naah. While I do agree with Zack Wood that the binary sexual model is false, I’d say I register at around 97% attracted to women, maybe 98%. Besides, most transvestites are straight men ^_^ According to Bonnie I’m a transvestite, so….

  7. Bonnie Says:

    Thanks, sotonohito and Zack! A question: sotonohito, do your female characters tend to look a certain way or a be a certain race?

    Ah, the SF talk begins… :-).

  8. Craig Says:

    I’m a 40 year old male computer programmer/business owner, single, long time gamer on a variety of levels: pen-and-paper RP since 1977 (blue box D&D!), CRPGs since the TRS-80, online gaming since the MECC BBS in the early-mid 70’s, and so on. Strongly introverted; favored hobbies are orienteering/hiking, reading, and game design; music tastes range from classical to new age.

    In terms of creating avatars, I usually seem to end up with somewhere near a 50/50 split in terms of gender, although in certain games, I’ve seen as much at 80/20 weighted toward one or the other. Shadowbane, for example, I had a total of 10 female characters and only 6 males across 2 different accounts and 3 servers (dual-boxed that one). In CoH/CoV at present, I’m almost exactly 50/50 (8 males/7 females), and in my largely inactive WoW account, I’m at 5 females, 4 males.

    I generally create avatars the same way I did back in my pen-and-paper gaming days: I have a concept in mind, perhaps based on a character in a recent novel or movie, and that determines the character’s gender. I have some old favorites from PnP gaming that makes regular appearances: my elf mage Damiano, my human priestess Clarissa, nordic priest Tourges, super-hero Sapphire Sentinel, halflinf thief Sheldon, and so on. The rest of the characters seem to come from what I am feeling at that moment in time.

    In general, I try to stay loosely in character while playing, whether the gender is male or female. I do seem to have an occasional penchant for using non-traditional roles: using males for controllers/defenders and females for tanks/scrappers in CoH, for example. (My favorite “role” in such games is the support/healing role, however that might factor in.)

    I tend to avoid gender-related discussions in most games until I know the players better, regardless of what I’m playing… almost a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, if you will, as sad as that sounds. I’ve just run into too many people who cannot deal with cross-gender avatars in the past. On the other hand, there have been multiple occasions where I have apparently reacted in ways that led others to assume I really was female, even when playing male characters (healers, in particular… gender role bias is apparently alive and well in some quarters.)

    Anyway, not sure if that was what you were looking for, but… there it is. :-) I look forward to your post on TerraNova…

  9. Craig Says:

    Follow up, answering the question you posed to sotonohito and Zack.

    While I have female characters of nearly all shapes and sizes, my favorites generally fall into one of two basic categories: tiny and brash (usually a redhead, heh), and the blond Valkyrie/Amazon type. Then there are the oddities like my female troll priestess in WoW with the red mohawk… I really enjoyed playing her :-). When the option is offered, I generally try to tone down the “comic book”/centerfold chest and waist of my female characters to achieve something a bit more realistic… not always the easiest task to accomplish. (More proof I’m getting old, I guess…)

    My favorite male characters are more varied, although I do seem to gravitate toward the older patriarchal stereotype, Sean Connery/Patrick Stewart/etc. style, as opposed to Hulk Hogan or the like. Grey/white hair is common, partial baldness is typical when available.

  10. sotonohito Says:

    Bonnie, no I tend to play all types. In World of Warcraft I started with a Tauren Druid, tried a Human Warlock, a Dwarf Paladin (all female) then got bored and quit playing WoW for a year. I started again this past Christmas and I’ve got a Human Paladin, Orc Shaman, Gnome Wizard, and Night Elf Rogue (all female, the Rogue is my primary). As for hair color, skin color, etc I go for all types, though I’m a bit annoyed that none of the skin colors available for Humans in WoW are as dark as my wife is in RL. Apparently black people haven’t been invented in Azeroth yet.

    Sometimes I make appearance choices based on the character class. For my Rogue I went for as few piercings as possible (none), and a close, short, hairstyle. I figure no one who gets into melee combat wants piercings or hair that can be easily grabbed. Since wizards aren’t supposed to get up close and personel, and Gnomes are supposed to a bit crazy, I chose a more wild hairstyle and quite a few piercings.

    But there’s no “look” that I try to achieve for my characters.

  11. Worst Ninja Ever Says:

    I’m a 30-year-old software development professional who is an avid multimedia gamer, musician, and armchair psychologist. I’m rather new to the MMO scene, having never gotten involved in Everquest and being disappointed at Dark Age of Camelot. But when playing games that allow me to create an avatar, I usually choose a female character model first. Sure, I can use the old adage of “if I’m going to spend all day looking at the ass of my character, I want something attractive to look at,” but for me it goes a little beyond that.

    I enjoy portraying females in games because it makes me feel good. Generally, women are treated better than men are, especially in a multiplayer environment, and this is about as far into crossdressing and crossgender play as I am comfortable with. When palying a female avatar, I enjoy feeling popular, sexy, beautiful, and more than a little powerful. it’s amazing how much power a smart female can wield over the desperate, the socially awkward, and the stereotypical unwashed masses of geeks that typically inhabit an MMO setting. And I play that up. Even something as simple as using an atypical male response (like using “cutie” when addressing a male or demonstrating “physical” affection) is enough to convince all but the most jaded skeptic that I am female.

    For me, it’s all in good fun and I’m never in it to form any kind of relationship or explore my sexuality or anything serious like that. I’m there to play as someone different, someone who doesn’t have my normal everyday limitations, some idealistic vision of someone I’d want to be if I had the power to change myself. Whether that’s someone of a different race, physical size, strength, dexterity, gender, religion, species, abilities, hair colour, or age, a customizable avatar in a game, especially in an MMO, allows me to realize those fantasies.

  12. CrashT Says:

    I am a 42 year old male. I work for a large school district as their Director of Technology. I’ve been playing computer games since they were text on mainframes, and have beta tested just about every MMO since the first Everquest. I wrote for a major Computer Games publication for about 5 years freelance. I also play Xbox, PSP and PC games in addition to my online PC MMO’s. I usually have a few going, right now WOW and Guild Wars (not so much with GW). Also have a There acccount and SL.

    I play my avatars like I would play with remote control cars. I am not my characters, nor do I role play much. I exist in the games and usually group with others that I know or work with. They only games where I played my avatar as myself was in The Sims Online, There and Second Life. I even made those avatars look like my Real Life self. But in the fantasy MMO’s I am just as likely to play male as female. I have two males and a female avatar in WOW right now. My female is a human rogue, I really had this idea of a trim red head dressed in black avatar for this character, don’t know why, it’s just the image I was after.

    As far as how I interact while playing the female avatars, I gladly take free buffs that are thrown my way, I will group wtih strangers and play quietly, and participate in discussions in a non-gender way. I don’t flirt or participate in blatant female ways. But when playing with friends and coworkers anything goes, as we are just out to have fun. So would that make my female avatars “wallflowers”?

    Playing single player games (RPG’s, Adventures or Golf games) I usually will play a female character. Why? I always tell people that I would rather look at a nicely curved female for hours on end over a male avatar.

    In MMO’s I don’t believe in playing an avatar as yourself, and I don’t believe in dragging sexual stereotypes into the game. My whole intent when playing it to slip out of my RL roles and escape into another realm of existence. I definitely play for the escapism aspect.

  13. Brummbar Says:

    Nice to seem some fellow Ancient Gamers here. I started with Chivalry & Sorcery and Empire of the Petal Throne in the late 1970s, at Waterloo Hobbies in New York.

    Oh, right… on topic: I have played female characters, but usually their sex/gender was just a biographical detail that didn’t affect play much, if at all.

  14. Bonnie Says:

    Thanks, Craig, Worst Ninja Ever (what a great name!), and CrashT, and sotonohito for the further explanation! All good stuff. Interesting too, Brummbar, that your fellow older gamers appear now, since one of the findings of Nick Yee’s research on the topic was that older male players are the most likely to present cross-gender. Any thoughts from those who have posted their profiles about why that might be?

  15. Bonnie Says:

    Also, Zack, if you would, could you tell a little more about yourself IRL? Thanks!

  16. CrashT Says:

    Why do we play cross gender avatars?

    Well, as I said, I started playing games back in college on the mainframes (Empire, Rogue, Trek and the original Adventure anyone?). I reviewed games in the early 90’s. In all of those early games you were more or less forced to be a male avatar. Games have traditionally been male. The objects of desire in the games were always the females (Leisure Suit Larry?). My wife and I played that whole series together. But the majority of avatars in adventure and RPG games were all male (especially if you remove Sierra Online games from the mix). Without looking back at the release dates, I think maybe Tomb Raider was the first big game to have a female hero. Phantasmagoria had a female lead. I’ve played just about EVERYTHING that has ever been released on the PC, except sports games. So there’s a lot of “been there done that” when playing solo PC games. I’ve been playing MMO’s almost exclusively for the past 5 years. The only other game I play right now is Civ4 on my PC.

    MMO’s have some unique behavior patterns among the players. For the most part, female avatars are treated with a little more politeness, assisted more often when in need, and helped along without asking for help. I find this expecially odd, since most everyone knows the demographics of these games and the RL mix of males to females. On the rare occasion that I get propositioned or harassed by some juvenile jacked up on hormones, a quick rejection usually sends them on their way without disclosing rl alignment. And with the current graphics and textures on avatars, if you’re going to spend hours, days, weeks, months and even years staring at an onscreen avatar, the females are much easier on the eyes.

    Like I said before, I am just as likely to play a male or female avatar in an MMO. It really depends on the look I am after, not the sex of the avatar.

  17. Brummbar Says:

    Phantasmagoria was no credit to female gamers or avatars. Yuck. Ick.

    As for older gamers, gender-switching, etc., my guess would be that older men are more settled and secure enough to do it. Whereas identification with a female protagonist might provoke unwanted thoughts and self-doubts in younger guys, a 40-yr old ancient gamer with a wife, kids, etc. knows very well who and what he is. (Usually – there are exceptions.)

  18. CrashT Says:

    And a 40 year old ancient gamer with a wife and four kids won’t complain about some digital curves on the screen.

  19. Brummbar Says:

    BTW, CrashT, I know who you are. :)

  20. Craig Says:

    On why older male players are most likely to present cross-gender: 3 guesses, take your pick :-).

    1) Older males are simply more secure in their sexuality (in comparison to younger males, at least), particularly the “geeky” types that you’d expect to be participating in this type of hobby. Whether married or not, the older we get, the more comfortable we become with who we are (mid-life crisis notwithstanding), and thus, are more comfortable exploring other perspectives (and far less concerned about someone coming along and saying “You’re playing a _girl_? Gayyyy….”)

    2) Older males are less likely to view everything in terms of “looking for potential mates”, for much the same reasons as (1) above.

    3) Those of us in our 30s and 40s are far more likely to have participated in pen-and-paper roleplaying on some level. The heyday of that hobby corresponded with our high school and college years, after all. A level of comfort with “playing pretend” could potentially be related to that experience, as well… far more so than might be engendered by CCGs, or whatever the current “hobbyist rage” is (miniatures?)

    As I say, guesses based on my own experiences… YMMV.

  21. Brummbar Says:

    “…far more so than might be engendered by CCGs, or whatever the current "hobbyist rage" is (miniatures?)”

    Heroscape, I think. Warhammer is still going strong as well. And the kids today sure love those hula-hoops.

  22. Zack Says:

    That’s interesting about older males being more secure in their life/gender/sexuality. I’m glad they tend to grow out of strict macho gender identification.
    I’m a current college student that has loved video games for years, “2D” being my favorite kinds, specifically SNES RPGS. I recently played a guest trial of WoW and it was pretty fun; other than that I have only played offline games. You have to choose avatars in most games, though, even if they’re not customizable online chars, so I thought I was still applicable.

  23. Brummbar Says:

    Well, I don’t know about the “gender” thing to begin with. I think most guys are the way they are because they’re guys and it’s innate, as opposed to some Judith Butlerian performance of a “role.”

  24. CrashT Says:

    Craig: Good observation and a memory jog. Thinking back to 7th grade and D&D hitting the market (remember all the churches that proclaimed the game was the work of the devil?), I think if any of us would have played a female anything we would have all harassed that person until they picked up a muscular He-man dungeon crawler piece to reclaim their masculinity (or what passed as such as 13 year olds). I don’t personally identify or channel through my avatars, they are puppets to play with.

    Funny story in reference to the above comment. One of my kids had a female Tauren Druid on WOW. When his brothers found out they teased him to no end, until he dropped that character. So I guess the traditional 13-year old “eewwww that’s gay” attitude lives on.

  25. Brummbar Says:

    Oh, wait. It’s not you. I thought you were someone else. (That comment about reviewing games in the 90s caught my eye. The fellow I was thinking of is kidless.)

  26. Brummbar Says:

    Side note: While RPGing was rather more “sex conscious,” video gaming of the period was fairly co-ed.

  27. Craig Huber Says:

    Heh… boy, do I remember the witch-hunts. Had one friend that was forbidden from seeing my brother and I for a while, and another that got dragged into the church for a talk with the pastor (who apparently turned it around and told the parents they were being silly, lol.)

    Thinking back, the group I hooked up with was a bit odd, I guess. It was essentially the entire junior high “computer club”, plus siblings and a few add-ons by other relationships… a little over a dozen of us, all told… all guys (of course). It was just assumed and accepted that some people would play female characters…

    … although, thinking back, I do recall that there were absolutely _no_ romantic relationships between PCs allowed… so there were some boundaries that definitely existed, heh. We did have a couple PC-NPC weddings, tho… (usually with an ambush or raid mid-ceremony to break up the tedium ;-).)

    Maybe it was just that it was a closed, tight-knit group… but there was never that kind of “he-man” pressure in that group (I did encounter some of that in college, tho, as I recall.) Of course, this is a group that all painted our faces various colors for a rerun marathon of “Starblazers”… so “odd” is probably a bit of an understatement…

    Ah, good times, good times…

  28. Brummbar Says:

    I was ordered into psychiatric treatment by the school counselor after I made the “mistake” of describing an RPG session too vividly. (I never played actual D&D because of the Arneson thing. It was Traveller or C&S for me.)

    During my first therapy session, I asked the shrink what the difference was between my “problem” and the student chaplain (this was a Christian school), who continually heard voices from some invisible guy named “Jesus.”

    To her credit, she laughed out loud at this and we spent the remainder of our several sessions together discussing whether C S Lewis was actually a pagan.

    Good times, indeed. There were some, of course, like Pulling’s son and J D Eggbert, who went down a very different path with gaming. But they were tortured kids to begin with, and getting too deep into roleplaying was the least of their problems.

  29. Craig Huber Says:

    An acquaintance of mine from high school went the over-the-top route. He wasn’t part of the “group” but did join us from time to time: he never really felt comfortable, even with us, I guess. He had a laser light pyramid set up in his bedroom, as I recall (still not sure what that was about), took to wearing black silk (ninja-like stuff)… and took it well beyond the occasional prank/silliness stage. As I recall, a bright kid, but definitely felt outcast and unwanted, and let it rule him.

    We played nearly _everything_: I won’t waste electrons with the full list, but I have a bedroom closet converted to shelving that is filled to overflowing with RPG boxes, modules, magazines, etc.: probably a couple thousand in stuff in there, and we used it all in one way or another, over the years. We gravitated toward Rolemaster, Call of Cthulhu/Chaosium systems (their short-lived Ringworld game was a huge hit with us), and PaceSetter systems stuff (Chill, TimeMaster, Star Ace). C&S and Traveller had their turns, too… which reminds me of how I never reclaimed my original Traveller books from that college pal of mine (grrrrrrr). The reprint is nice, but it’s just not the same.

    Oh well, enough space wasted with ancient musings, I guess. (Apologies to the management…)

  30. Brummbar Says:

    Musings? Pshaw. This is Venerable Lore.

    BTW, I collect old gaming mags. Let me know if you’re getting rid of anything.

  31. Bonnie Says:

    So this is what happens when I go away for the weekend :-) (Pardon my flood of smiley faces, at the moment. The alt I’ve picked up in SL is big on them, and now they’re taking over).

    Interesting thoughts on why older gamers cross-gender more frequently. I don’t know if I entirely buy the “more secure in masculine identity” argument though. Not to insult any of the older male gamers in the room, but do you think this is any way linked to our social stereotype of older men as more “perverted”? Why do we have this image to begin with?

  32. Craig Says:

    Not really, IMO. The “perverted” angle, I think, is actually more directly related to age than to sex. After all, being secure in your identity, preferences, and desires is a far cry from having the rest of the world accept or approve of them.

    (The thought occurs that we may be using different definitions/perspectives on “secure”… let me know.)

    Explaining the “age” angle: older men (and women, IMO) are expected to be less and less driven by sexual drives as they age, and that is in many cases basically true… but reduction is not elimination. How much of the “perverted” meme results from actions which, 20 years or so earlier, would have been characterized as normal, even healthy? A 25-year-old guy stares at a attractive 25-year-old gal in a bikini passing by, vs. a 50-year-old guy performing the very same act. Normal/healthy vs. perverted/sick? To be argumentative, why? (My answer would be: “age taboo”… YMMV)

    There is also the fact that we have been working with pretty huge generalizations at present. “Older males” is a pretty big group to be painting with any one brush, complimentary or not. In other words, while some older males may well be more secure in their sexuality, others may not. The existence of one “sub-group” doesn’t necessarily imply the absence of the other.

    The “age taboo” has significant and still basically valid reasons for existing, don’t get me wrong. However, I don’t see any real reason to assume a connection between that and a presumed lack of validity for the concept of self-awareness/self-acceptance.

    My two cents…

  33. anonymous Says:

    I am a 55 year-old bisexual male who ended up marrying a female tomboy at age 40, after more than a few boyfriends as well as girlfriends. I am very familiar with the transgender scene from gay male transvestites to a number of transsexual friends. However, I am not even a cross-dresser myself. In RL I am consciously male and comfortable with my sexuality (which has kinks, but none of them related to gender identity).

    I am also a long-standing professional in the computer game industry and have worked on a number of MMOGs. I occasionally play male characters, especially when playing with my wife, but more often play females, primarily lesbians. Thanks to my RL experiences in the gay subculture, and being married to a female MMORPGer who I can observe, I have successfully “passed” as a lesbian for quite a few years. This includes one game where I got involved in a variety of highly promiscuous cybersex affairs with both straight women (who were experimenting online with lesbian ideas), RL lesbians (well, so they claimed, and based on my experience, I’d say at least some were), and other men who played female characters but with insufficient skill to conceal their real gender. I am certain all believe to this day that the person behind those MMORPG characters was a real-life lesbian. Part of my success, I believe, is that I never, ever reveal who I am to any of them.

    Why do I do this? There are a number of reasons. First, visual images and fantasy situations both trigger eroticism for me, so I can enjoy the results on that level. Second, back when I was into the cybersex thing, I found that part very exciting. However, my wife was very ill during that period, and now that she’s better, my interest in cybering is dramatically less. Third, I enjoy an intellectual challenge. This type of role-play is both immensely challenging and satisfying because of the high degree of success I have consistently enjoyed in something very challenging. Fourth, I enjoy team play in MMOGs. I found that for me, meeting people, making friends, getting on teams, and joining guilds was easier as a female. My lesbian alter ego is far more personable, engaging and interesting to others than any of my male characters. I’m sure there are other reasons. These are ones that first come to mind

  34. Bonnie Says:

    I enjoy an intellectual challenge.
    Ah, the intellectual challenge. I think that’s an element that often goes overlooked. Of course, it does make you wonder, can you really separate the intellectual challenge from the sexual stimulation, and aren’t all of our intellectual challenges really just forms of masturbation :-)?

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